The Axiom

This picture is a trap. It looks good, but the movie isn’t.

Somewhere buried in this garbage is an original idea. Too bad it didn’t make it to a good movie. The Axiom is bad, so bad it’s annoying.

Unless you enjoy watching characters running around in the woods screaming each other’s names for nearly an entire movie, don’t watch it.


A Quiet Place

In a post-apocalyptic world, a family is forced to live in silence while hiding from monsters with ultra-sensitive hearing – IMDb

Now that I’ve seen both A Quiet Place and The Silence, I see why people say that they are very similar. Even though they are, it didn’t bother me at all, I enjoyed both movies. Where A Quiet Place is more about the survival, The Silence has a better rhythm, and more likeable characters.

Rather than writing about their differences and similarities, here are some facts I’ve read about A Quiet Place:

  • The film’s director and lead actor, John Krasinski, played the monster in a motion capture suit for a few scenes.
  • Actress Millicent Simmonds has been deaf since infancy.
  • The filmmakers purchased twenty tons of corn and hired local farmers to grow it.
  • The entire movie was shot in thirty-six days.
  • The movie only contains about 25 lines of voiced dialogue, although sign language dialogue is used extensively.
  • The first line of voiced dialogue isn’t spoken until about 38 minutes into the film.
  • John Krasinski and Emily Blunt are married both in this film and in real life.
  • In the basement scene towards the end, a few frames of newspaper cuttings are visible. One of these clearly states ‘Multiple Landing Sites’ as a headline, alluding directly to the origin of the monster species being from space.

The silence in the movie created such a tension, it made me wonder how it must be like if this would happen for real. I can’t imagine being so quiet all the time! I’m like an elephant in a china shop, I would be doomed!


Hellraiser: Judgement

The movie began with a strong opening scene that looked promising. I remember Chris and I looking at each other like “wtf did I just look at?”. It looked gore, disturbing, and very different from what we’ve seen these last days. Unfortunately, it slowed down on the horror the closer we were getting to the end.

I have to admit that I’m not familiar with the Hellraiser franchise so, I didn’t know what to expect. I remember trying to watch the first one, and I had cut it in the middle. Maybe not my favourite kind of horror.

There was a scene with vomit and saliva that still makes me gag every time I think about it. So no, unlike my plan on putting a picture of this scene on my blog, I decided not to (a very wise decision if you ask my keyboard).

Anyway, my verdict is fifty-fifty. I didn’t have a bad time watching it, but it didn’t blow my mind either. At least I got to see Pinhead in action once.


Assimilate

Sardoken

What would I do if everyone in my town was being replaced by evil clones who only seek to convert me? Would I gear up and go full Commando?

Or would I try to steal a car and run away as fast as I can?

That’s the question I’ve been asking myself while watching Assimilate.

I would probably try to leave as fast as I can, only to find out that the next town as been overtaken as well. Then I would gear up, try to find others and build a guerilla to fight back…

About the movie, I don’t have much to say… The casting was good and the movie didn’t slow down until the end. Certainly not my top horror of the year, but a decent Invasion of the Body Snatchers clone for a Saturday evening.

Soforah

The reviewers constantly refer to this movie as another Body Snatchers rip off. I’ve never watched that one so, I can’t tell. All I know is that I enjoyed it, and that it deserves much more credit than it got.

“First they bite you, then they become you”… I loved the story, it was well paced with unexpected twists. Also, the actors did a great job, they gave a classic horror teen feel to the movie which I like.

Also, kudos for the found footage parts, I’m a sucker for those. When I started watching this movie, I was convinced that it was about some experiment in a small town. I won’t spoil anything, but the plot twist at the end was one that I didn’t see coming!

If you like Sci-Fi and horror, this is a must watch! The end left an open spot for a sequel, I personally hope that the story didn’t just end there. To be continued?


Haunt

Sardoken

Last week, I went to the street fair in Liège with Inge. One of our tradition is to visit the haunted house. It’s safe, it’s in plain sight, packed with people. There are kids (actually, it’s mostly kids and us), which makes it feel even safer… The attraction in itself is not really creepy, it’s just a lot of decoration and not much light. There’s one thing though… the people who hide in the dark, wearing masks, ready to yell at us. We know that they are there, yet it always scares us. As always, the biggest creep is the human.

Now, imagine that the haunted house is located in the middle of nowhere, that there’s no one else and that you have to sign a waver and surrender your phone to a creepy clown who doesn’t even talk. Would you still go?

In Haunt, just like at the street fair, the creepiest part of the haunted house isn’t the decoration, but the people inside. Too bad we didn’t watch the movie before going to Liège, it would have added to the tension.

Following the same reasoning, I should have watched Final Destination before going in “The Turbine”. I know, I’m a daredevil 😉

Soforah

This is the movie that I expected to see when Rob Zombies’ 31 came out. Unfortunately, 31 was so bad that Chris and I stopped watching it in the middle. Fun fact, though, was that the song in the closing credits of Haunt was a cover of Mr. Zombies’ Dragula.

There is so much to love about this movie, the setting, the acting, the costumes and masks, the haunted house theme, the fact that it keeps you sitting on the edge of your seat,… all perfect for Halloween.

Even though I love to visit haunted houses myself, I would never enter one so remote where a disturbingly creepy clown makes you sign a contract, and asks you to leave your phone in a lockbox. Never going to happen!

Also, kudos to Eli Roth, this dude sure knows his stuff. I’ve always been a great fan of his projects. I wonder what he’s going to work on next. In the mean time, grab the popcorn and saddle up, it’s going to be one hell of a ride!


Scream – Season 3

Sardoken

Serial killers doesn’t feel compassion, they don’t feel the same way as other do. They enjoy to hurt people or to see people being hurt so they can feel something. They don’t kill for revenge, they use revenge as an excuse to kill, it’s just an opportunity. (source: me, I’m a criminologist)

If you follow this rule, you should easily find who Ghostface is in the third season of Scream because, for once, they didn’t cheat. Most movies or TV shows that relies on suspense will often misguide the audience, so they can surprise it with a final twist. This time, they didn’t.

Other than the show being more honest than usual, the suspense was what kept me watching. I know that it’s part of the Scream recipe, but I start to get tired of the over-stereotyped characters. Also, I really didn’t like Deion, neither the character, neither the actor. I can’t explain why, it just didn’t click.

The third season is worth the watch, only to see if you’ll be able to find the killer. After all, it’s only 6 episodes.

Soforah

Even though the third season is less good than the previous ones, it still remains a decent slasher show.

The first episode threw me off due to the casting. Beth, the goth girl, looks so fake with her glued on piercings, it still makes me cringe.

The second episode got me convinced to like the tv-show nonetheless. The pacing, and classical slasher theme got me hooked. Also, they followed the rules on how to survive a horror movie to the letter. Makes it all kind of obvious, yet you never stop wondering who the real killer is.

My top ten on how to survive a horror movie:

  1. Never say you’ll be right back;
  2. Never walk backwards because it’s always behind you;
  3. Always check the inside of your car before you get into it;
  4. Don’t ever split up;
  5. When you know that the house is haunted, just leave the place;
  6. Always assume that your attacker is still alive;
  7. If you find an ominous book written in a language you can sort of sound out (but don’t really understand), don’t read it out loud;
  8. Don’t ever go into the basement or attic alone;
  9. If you suspect something or someone is haunted or possessed, don’t stick around trying to make contact with otherworldly spirits;
  10. If you’re a girl (most often a virgin) and you notice that everyone else around you dies, congratulations, you’re a Final Girl, and you’ll probably survive!

Well, from the looks of rule number ten, I’m doomed. Haha… Anyway, like I’ve mentioned before, a decent slasher worth the watch. I wonder if there’ll be a fourth season though.


Exists

Soforah

Teens go on a trip to the woods, and all goes horrifically wrong. Add the found footage theme to this, and a perfect recipe for a horror movie is created.

This movie has it all, the jump scares, the plot, the pacing of the story, even the big foot costume was excellent. I’ve stayed on the border of my seat throughout the entire movie. Somehow you know that most (if not all) of them are going to die, yet you can’t stop wondering who’s going to be next.

I also love the Big Foot theme which is, to my surprise, rarely used in horror movies. Apparently, the director, Eduardo Sanchez, is half of the genius behind The Blair Witch Project. Seeing the quality of the story, this doesn’t surprise me.

All in all, Exists is one of the best found footage movies I’ve seen so far. Another one that convinced me not to go to remote woods at night, you never know what lurks in the shadows over there!

Sardoken

If there’s one thing that is certain about Sasquatches (even more than their existence) it’s that you can’t reason with them. If one day, you’d unwillingly provoke them, there’s no need to apologies, they don’t care. All they want is revenge and you’d better run fast. (source: me, I watch a lot of movies)

Seriously, I love Bigfoot movies. Unfortunately, there isn’t enough good ones. Exists is probably the best of them.

The Sasquatch is relentless, unforgiving and absolutely brutal. The movie starts with the introduction of the characters, but doesn’t waste time. Once the action begins, it doesn’t stop, from one gruesome scene to the next.

Oh, and if you would ever happen to stumble upon a Bigfoot, just bring back a DNA sample, there is a lot of people out there who need to confirm its existence (so they can continue to sell goodies in their tourist shops).


The Bye Bye Man

There’s a demon who listens and if he hears his name, he curses you. At that moment, you go crazy, you see things where there are none and become so paranoid that you eventually end up murdering people.

The first thing that bothers me, and I don’t want to overthink it, is the demon’s name. You’d think that wherever the entity hangs out on his free time, his buddies would tell him that his name is pretty lame. Do you imagine: “Good morning Belzebuth. Good morning to you, Azmodeus. Hey, how are you doing today, The Bye Bye Man?”. That’s the lamest demon name ever!

If the rhythm of the movie would have been better and the secret cursed word less ridiculous, it could have been a good horror movie. Unfortunately, The Bye Bye Man is awfully slow, there’s way too much dialogues between the few scenes that actually matter. It’s too bad, because the idea was pretty good.

So, at first, there was The Bye Bye Man. But then my eyes were closing and all that was left was the Night Night Man, and it was me. Even Carrie-Anne Moss’ usual great acting couldn’t keep me awake.


Us

Sardoken

There is nothing I hate more than a psychological drama camouflaged as a horror movie. It’s always the same with that kind of movie, the beginning is promising but, half-way through, you realise that it doesn’t keep its promise, that everything has been slowing down for 30 minutes. You keep watching in the hope that it’ll pick back up, but it never comes. Then you know that you’ve been fooled by the crappy ratings of nowadays drama lovers on places like Rotten Tomatoes and, even worse, respected horror websites like Bloody Disgusting.

I don’t care that it’s artistic, that the mix of ballet dancing with the fight scenes is well done. I don’t want symbolism or references to metaphoric crap from the Bible. I came for a horror movie, and I ended up with a dramatic opera. I would have preferred that the other families would have been aliens trying to replace us.

So, if like me, all you want is to watch a horror movie, don’t watch Us, it doesn’t belong in that genre.

Soforah

The only horror related to this movie are the high ratings. Seriously, this movie was bad!

The first scene looked promising though, the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk in 1986 had me expecting an epic 80’s themed horror movie. While it had a lot of potential, they had to go completely bamboozled in the second part. Conceptual art doesn’t belong in movies! Who likes that anyway? The whole fight vs ballet scene was unbearable.

I’ve read that the concept of the movie is based on Jeremiah 11:11;

Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will bring evil upon them, which they shall not be able to escape; and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto them.

True story *ahum*… I think that my scientific brain can’t take these kind of things seriously.

Anyway, they could have used this idea for something darker and creepy, a real horror story! All in all, this was one of the worst movies I’ve watched in 2019. I think I will be more cautious next time I see high ratings on a horror movie.


The Silence

Sardoken

I’m typing this post as silently as I can… I just can’t help it, since we’ve watched The Silence, it seems that I can’t help but try to be more silent than usual.

Seriously, I really enjoyed the movie. The casting was great, the story was very well wrapped and the tension perfectly built. We were so much into it that we almost didn’t dare to talk during the movie.

The Silence has a lot of my favourite things: a global catastrophe, a family trying to survive on the road,… It’s also very enjoyable to watch, the movie doesn’t break its rhythm with long emotional scenes. People die, horrible things happen, but we don’t spend 20 minutes crying about it.

My only regret is that the movie only lasts 1h30′, I would have enjoyed more survival scenes, more road trip to the North with great American landscapes… In fact I could have seen it as a TV Show where the dad and his daughter are left alone after the rest of the family got killed. I couldn’t help but find the duo perfect when they had to make a run for the meds.

There could be a great character development as they travel through the US, learning how to defend themselves, find shelters and become badass at surviving.

Yes, I know, that would be very much like The Last of US. What do you want, I’m a fan of the game and I couldn’t help but see a bit of Joel and Ellie in Ally and her dad.

However, The Silence is a great movie, probably one of the bests I’ve seen this year.

Soforah


Despite the bad reviews, The Silence is one of the best movies I’ve seen in quite a while. Easily a four stars on five for me.

When the world is under attack from terrifying creatures who hunt their human prey by sound, 16-year old Ally Andrews (Kiernan Shipka), who lost her hearing at 13, and her family seek refuge in a remote haven – IMDb

The casting is remarkable, there was a direct connection with the characters. It’s funny to see the duo Kiernan Shipka and Miranda Otto, who play together in The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, portray completely different characters in this movie. They all did an amazing job!

One of the things I’ve most appreciated, is the survival aspect in the story. I’ve always loved big catastrophes, and end of the world themes, there’s nothing quite like it. I dare you, though, to say one word while watching this movie, I know we couldn’t. The tension builds up nicely, and every scene adds to the story.

A great Netflix original that deserves to be on my small re-run material list. Knowing that I normally don’t like re-runs, this is a huge compliment.