Scream 6

I’m writing this post as I’m watching Wudijo‘s launch stream of Diablo 4 and it’s pretty hard to concentrate, so I asked ChatGPT to write “A 100 words positive review of Scream 6 without too many superlatives” and this is what it returned:

Scream 6 breathes new life into our beloved horror franchise, delivering an entertaining experience. The film masterfully blends the essence of the original movies with a fresh storyline that keeps you hooked from start to finish.

The performances are commendable, with the cast skillfully embodying their characters and adding depth to the narrative. The script is cleverly written, striking a balance between suspense and humor that keeps you engaged throughout.

The direction is top-notch, effectively building tension and delivering satisfying scares.

Scream 6 is a must-watch especially for a Saturday pop-corn & horror evening.

While it’s certainly less personal, it isn’t too far from what a human would write.

Did you know that…

Courtney Cox was the first cast member to sign up to return as Gale Weathers. She states that she did not hesitate to return because she loves playing Gale, and jokingly said that she’d even play her for free. She did her own stunts during Gale’s showdown with Ghostface and stated that it was her favorite scene because she got to really fight with Ghostface.

On the other hand, Neve Campbell refused to reprise her role as Sydney because she felt the offer that was presented to her did not equate to the value she brought to the franchise.

So, you can say what you want about Cox’s botoxed face, but she’s far more real than Campbell. Way to go, Courtney!

Dungeons & Dragons: Honour Among Thieves

A workmate hated the movie so bad, he took the time to write a review on Teams so we’d stay away from it. At first, I was happy to have dodged a bullet… Then I remembered that this specific workmate doesn’t have the most reliable taste when it comes to movies. So, we went anyway to the theatre and, boy, am I happy we did!

It didn’t take us more than 5 minutes to be completely into the movie. The story is good with a few turns that make the movie great. The humour is well balanced so it never feels ridiculous but keeps the goofy spirit of the actual Dungeons & Dragons game. Finally, the cast was perfect and I couldn’t imagine a better Holga than Michelle Rodriguez or a better Forge than Hugh Grant.

Wizards of the Coast (which owns Dungeons and Dragons) made stat blocks for the main characters showing their abilities and attributes. All the spells used in the film, while largely unnamed, are all spells used in the Dungeons & Dragons pen-and-paper RPG. (source: IMDB)

We went with low expectations and we enjoyed it so much that I’m ready to watch it again, an instant classic.

Hardcore Adventures in Classic WoW

Last week-end, following the huge trend, we both tried Hardcore Classic WoW. While we had fun in the starting zones, our nostalgia trip was brutally interrupted by death. I understand the excitement around Hardcore but I personally don’t enjoy to delete a character that I’ve been levelling for hours. I can’t imagine the feeling when your character dies after level 50, I would be devastated.

However, this little adventure made us realise how great vanilla WoW was and how bad retail has become when you play the game the way it was meant to be played. It was a game made by roleplayers for roleplayers while retail feels like a phone game ported on PC.

So, thank you Nostalrius for having made Blizzard consider creating Classic servers. And fuck you, J. Allen Brack, You were dead wrong!

Diablo 4 Beta

It wasn’t easy to find a “cute” screenshot

I’m gonna start this Diablo post by talking about World of Warcraft. In case you didn’t read the blog, Soforah and I have been playing WoW for 15 years. Ok, there were highs and lows, but the game always managed to keep us entertained. I don’t know if it’s due to the new – more socially acceptable – crowd at Blizzard, or if the game is simply not targeted at us anymore, but we both have had the most horrible time in Dragonflight. It’s so bad, it had us quit after 2 weeks, and I’m not talking about a break… The game is a chaotic, frustrating, ugly pile of stinking dung!

So, when we went to the beta week-end of Diablo 4, we didn’t have high expectations. Of course, we were very curious to see what Blizzard has in stock for its next gen Hack’n Slash…

We both completed the beta and we both found the game underwhelming, to say the least.

First, the monster density is horrible! Sometimes, you fight 20 mobs, then you have to cross an entire area without finding a single enemy to kill. I understand that they want to introduce mounts in the game (so they’ll probably fill the cash shop with hundreds of poneys, horses and unicorns in every possible colours), but it completely broke the pace of the game.

Second, I find the textures quality pretty poor for a next gen game. I know that Blizzard is trying to keep their games accessible to most, even those with outdated PCs, but this is ridiculous for a game set to be released in 2023.

Finally, I played a sorceress and I found the gameplay boring. I was using arc lightning and I was constantly out of mana. My other ability was a recycled hydra, which I already found boring in Diablo 3.

I know that the game is still in Beta and still needs polishing, but I found the core of the game bad.

I remember the beta of Diablo 3, it was awesome, it had left me wanting more. Diablo 4’s beta makes me afraid, I hope that nowadays Blizzard is not gonna butcher another of its franchises.

We’ll probably try the game in its final state, but the beta has set my expectations very low.

Polaroid

This movie has a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, I honestly can’t see why. Maybe I have a crappy taste in movies, but Polaroid was, in my opinion, a decent supernatural horror movie.

It was nice to see Mitch Pileggi (X-files) and Grace Zabriskie (Twin Peaks) in a recent release. All these years later Zabriskie still creeps me out with her scary dame look, no one can match her. 

The core of the movie is a string of deaths of young and ridiculously beautiful people (Madelaine Petsch, Keenan Tracey, Priscilla Quintana,…) who can’t avoid their ineluctable faith. I love this kind of subject, especially when they add a few jump scares. Apparently, this is the reason why the movie got flamed by the critics, too clich√©. I don’t get it, I love the good old recipe for a horror movie. Young people get in trouble, they get killed by some supernatural being, what’s not to like?

Another thing I like about this movie is the concept of a haunted polaroid camera, get your picture taken and then die. I’ve always loved photography, and the nostalgia around polaroids kicked me in the feels. I know that the concept of haunted pictures has been used in many movies, but so are haunted houses, dolls, etc… what’s the big deal? (directing this question to those damned critics)

According to the trivia on imdB the main actress, Kathryn Prescott (Bird Fitcher) is a professional photographer in real life. Also, the couple Devin (Keenan Tracey) and Mina (Priscilla Quintana) were a real couple for a few years. I know, I know, I’m a sucker for gossip and trivia like this. My husbands’ love for soaps is rubbing off on me, I think.

Anyway, I think that Polaroid is a solid horror movie that kept me entertained until the end. So, do I recommend this? Absolutely! 

Vampire Diaries

I don’t think that I could spend my lunchtimes at home without watching a TV show anymore. It’s an habit that comes from the time when I was still living with my mum, she would watch The Bold and The Beautiful everyday at lunch. 

We also watched all the soaps that would play on TV, from Dallas to Falcon Crest and Knots Landing. Those are amazing memories of my youth… Since then, I became a soap fan, I can’t help it: the romance, the plot twists, the betrayals, I’m addicted!

Since the confinement, we can stay home 4 days a week, so I kind of got Soforah addicted to the lunchtime soap and it became one of our most sacred daily ritual.

Which brings us to Vampire Diaries. It’s soapy and it’s about vampires who all seem to come out of a modelling catalogue, what is there not to love?

We’ve just completed our first rerun and I’m so sad that it’s over. They’ve been with us for 171 lunchtimes and I’ll miss them all, even Nina Dobrev. *Grab a Kleenex*

Anyway, it’s not that they’re gone forever and we both know that there will be another rerun, some day.

I’ll miss these vamps.

M3GAN

A robotics engineer at a toy company has to assume protective custody of her niece after both her parents died in a car crash. Overwhelmed, she uses one of her creations, a life-like doll, to help her in the task. (source: me. It doesn’t happen often but I sometimes write the synopsis myself)

A few reviewers compare the movie to Child’s Play but I disagree. M3GAN has nothing in common with Chucky, she isn’t evil, she’s an android trying to find her place in the world while protecting a little girl who, just like her, doesn’t have parents. To me, she’s more like the creature of Frankenstein, struggling in a world where she wasn’t born, but made.

It’s hard to tell what I enjoyed most in the movie, the ambiance is great, the casting is perfect and the rhythm of the movie is undisturbed by lengthy dramatic scenes. The result is a movie that may not entirely belong in the horror category, but that’s very entertaining nonetheless.

I couldn’t help but wonder, at the dawn of AI, if I’ll live long enough to see humans being helped in their households by autonomous androids… How will we integrate them in our society, like beings or like equipment?

Don’t Breathe 2

Hiding out for years in an isolated cabin, Norman Nordstrom has taken in and raised a young girl orphaned from a house fire. Their quiet existence is shattered when a group of kidnappers show up and take the girl, forcing Norman to leave his safe haven to save her. (IMDB)

The synopsis above could have been shorter: he’s blind, he’s a badass and they took his girl. 

I don’t think that the plot is really what matters in this kind of movies. All it takes is building enough rage in the public during the first phase of the movie, generally through injustice and heinous crimes. So, when the second phase finally comes, we welcome the bloody revenge. Don’t Breathe 2 delivers in both phases, and it feels really good when The Blind Man finally gets his turn.

Unlike the first movie, this sequel is definitely more about rescue and revenge than it is a real thriller. However Stephen Lang manages to show not only good action, but also some emotion.

Even if it is a bit less deep than the original, Don’t Breathe 2 is a good action movie with enough gore and brutality to fit a Saturday horror night.

Truth or Dare (2018)

A harmless game of Truth or Dare among friends turns deadly when someone – or something – begins to punish those who tell a lie or refuse the dare. (IMDB)

Once again, I don’t understand the bad critics. What did people expect? A slow movie with an hasbeen actress like Naomi Watts crying for hours because she’s tied up on a coach? A pretentious horror that ends up with a final battle staged like a musical? Don’t we have enough “critics” ass-licking movies already?

I love Blumhouse because they deliver exactly what I’m after: quality movies that don’t pretend to be more than what they are: good horror flicks for the Saturday night. Truth or Dare is a good movie with a good pitch and a solid casting. We were especially happy to see Tyler Posey again, since we haven’t seen much of him since Teen Wolf.

Just as in It Follows, ineluctability is the true evil. How you die doesn’t matter, what’s horrible is to know that it’s coming for you and that, no matter what, your turn is coming. Of course, people try to out run their cruel fate and that’s the best part of it, to see them try to survive like ants caught in a flood. So, run, cute teenagers and entertain us!

Hellfest (2018)

A masked serial killer turns a horror-themed amusement park into his own personal playground, terrorizing a group of friends while the rest of the patrons believe that it is all part of the show. (IMDB)

Couldn’t I write such a basic synopsis myself? Yes

Am I too lazy to do it? Yes

Is the movie related to the yearly Metal festival? No

Do we love Metal? Yes, enough with the questions! (who even asks questions to himself?)

We watched it on November 14th and I can’t remember much of it but it doesn’t matter because the story isn’t the strong point of a slasher movie (kids get scarred by a creepy killer, kids run and yell, kids die), what matters is the atmosphere and Hellfest has it right.

Two of the biggest deal breakers were avoided: the rhythm wasn’t slowed down by unnecessary drama and it wasn’t a psychological movie disguised as an horror flick.

Ok, just one last question: will I make an effort and try to post sooner, so I don’t forget half of the movie when I’m writing about it? Yes, I promise.

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