Spacewocket

The Final Girls (2015)

A young woman grieving the loss of her mother, a famous scream queen from the 1980s, finds herself pulled into the world of her mom’s most famous movie. Reunited, the women must fight off the film’s maniacal killer. – Imdb

The trailer looked like this movie was going to be a badass slasher, so what could go wrong, right?! While it was entertaining, it looked like a horror for little kids. The woods looked too fairy, the few drops of blood (is this supposed to be a slasher?) looked like bright red sugar water, and there was too much emphasis on the “I’ve lost my mother” drama.

If it wasn’t for the casting, I think that we wouldn’t have been able to make it to the end. Taissa Farming, Alexander Ludwig, Nina Dobrev,… made it work.

Unlike the 80’s slashers, this movie is free of the iconic gore and nudity. For the film to be absolutely true to the genre, there should have been at least one skinny dipping or sex scene, not to mention a decent amount of splatter. All it can offer, however, is a few bloodless death scenes and a couple of the actresses showing off their bra. Shame on you guys!

One funny trivia though: During rehearsal, Thomas Middleditch tripped over the velvet rope in the movie theater. Director Todd Strauss-Schulson decided to add that as a gag in the film in order to momentarily linger on the cardboard standee for “Camp Bloodbath 2: Cruel Summer.”

All in all, we’ve watched the movie until the end, but wouldn’t recommend this to any slasher fan. Maybe it would be good for introducing your kids to the horror genre…

Us

Sardoken

There is nothing I hate more than a psychological drama camouflaged as a horror movie. It’s always the same with that kind of movie, the beginning is promising but, half-way through, you realise that it doesn’t keep its promise, that everything has been slowing down for 30 minutes. You keep watching in the hope that it’ll pick back up, but it never comes. Then you know that you’ve been fooled by the crappy ratings of nowadays drama lovers on places like Rotten Tomatoes and, even worse, respected horror websites like Bloody Disgusting.

I don’t care that it’s artistic, that the mix of ballet dancing with the fight scenes is well done. I don’t want symbolism or references to metaphoric crap from the Bible. I came for a horror movie, and I ended up with a dramatic opera. I would have preferred that the other families would have been aliens trying to replace us.

So, if like me, all you want is to watch a horror movie, don’t watch Us, it doesn’t belong in that genre.

Soforah

The only horror related to this movie are the high ratings. Seriously, this movie was bad!

The first scene looked promising though, the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk in 1986 had me expecting an epic 80’s themed horror movie. While it had a lot of potential, they had to go completely bamboozled in the second part. Conceptual art doesn’t belong in movies! Who likes that anyway? The whole fight vs ballet scene was unbearable.

I’ve read that the concept of the movie is based on Jeremiah 11:11;

Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will bring evil upon them, which they shall not be able to escape; and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto them.

True story *ahum*… I think that my scientific brain can’t take these kind of things seriously.

Anyway, they could have used this idea for something darker and creepy, a real horror story! All in all, this was one of the worst movies I’ve watched in 2019. I think I will be more cautious next time I see high ratings on a horror movie.